


A Kissing Story

by libraralien



Category: Princess Bride (1987)
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 12:50:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13054353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/libraralien/pseuds/libraralien
Summary: The story of the second best kiss of all time.





	A Kissing Story

**Author's Note:**

  * For [boychik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boychik/gifts).



So now you've heard the story of the best kiss of all time. But you know, the story of the second best kiss of all time wasn't half bad either. And the best part is, you already know most of it. 

You see, after Buttercup and Westley and Inigo and Fezzik escaped Humperdinck's castle, they all felt that it would be wise to lay low, and that they had all had enough adventure for a while, which I know must be such a disappointment for you to hear, but stick with it. 

The only one of them who had any sort of home they could return to was Buttercup, but they knew Humperdinck's men would be looking for them there. So instead they had to go to Westley's pirate ship. His men had been circling off the coast waiting for him, as he had instructed him to do. 

Now, he had told his men that he was going ashore to steal back a woman that had been taken from him, so they were curious, but not surprised to see Buttercup with the man they knew as the Dread Pirate Roberts. In fact, the ship had send a few men ashore to get supplies while circling off the shore, and rumors had made it aboard that Princess Buttercup was missing from the prince's castle, and that the woman on their ship may be the princess. While they of course did not know the story of Westley and Buttercup's love, they regarding the stealing of a princess as an impressive move on the part of the Dread Pirate Roberts and respected it. 

And as for the prisoners? Well everybody knew the Dread Pirate Roberts took no prisoners, but if the Dread Pirate was to take prisoners, well, it made sense that one of them would be a fearsome giant. And the other prisoner, the one with the wounds? The one that Roberts gave a cabin all to himself, who was being tended by the fearsome giant and the mystery woman and occasionally the Dread Pirate himself? Well, he must know something. In fact, he probably is the only man alive who knows the location of some grand treasure, and that is why the Dread Pirate is working so hard to keep him alive.

There were no quests for treasure to be had though. (The adventure part hasn't begun, yet.) You see, it turns out it can take a while to make a full recovery from Death, so it was really all Westley could do to keep the ship moving, which he had to, as there was news that the Prince had sent out the navy searching for Westley and Buttercup, but he grew tired easily and often his inability to move would return. Buttercup and Fezzik agreed that his symptoms were getting better and less frequent, but he could hardly let his men see him in his weakened state, so he spent a lot of time lying in his cabin, with Buttercup by his side. 

As for Inigo, he had several nasty wounds in his belly that he needed to rest and recover from. It was during this period of recovery that Inigo realized he was in love. In love with whom? Well, Fezzik of course. I know, I know, he had known Fezzik for so long and they were so close, how had he not realized before that he loved Fezzik? Well that was part of the problem, you see. Fezzik was his closest friend, he told himself, so of course he loved Fezzik. It can be hard to tell one kind of love from another. And Inigo had been so focused on avenging his father's death, he had never given much time or thought to romance. 

But now? His father was avenged, he had nothing but time to reflect as he laid in bed and tried not to disturb his wounds, and Fezzik came to his bedside multiple times a day to feed him soup and change his bandages and keep him company and entertain him with rhymes and stories. Inigo was a smart man, and only a fool would not have realized he was in love under such circumstances. It didn't help that his cabin was next to Westley's, and Westley and Buttercup were also very much in love and as Westley got his strength back, the sounds of it could be heard throughout the whole ship.

So he had realized he was in love, and now the only thing to do was to figure out if Fezzik felt the same, confess his love, and then ask Fezzik to stay by his side for the rest of their lives. Also he needed to figure out what they were going to do for the rest of their lives. Simple enough. For a moment he wished Vizzini was here, because he was always the smartest, and he felt like he needed somebody smart to tell him what he should do. But then he remembered that Westley had outsmarted Vizzini, so he was even better off than he would have been if Vizzini had been there. He went to Westley's cabin one evening to ask him what to do.

Westley was sitting at a table in his cabin, reading when he came in - the very picture of a clever man, which made Inigo feel good about his decision to come to Westley. He was alone, so the black mask he always wore when he was Roberts was hanging from his chair, but he was still dressed in the all black that he had worn when Inigo first met him, when they had fought on that cliffside, which made Inigo reflect fondly on their adventure so far.

"Westley," Inigo said, "I need advice, and you are the smartest man I have ever met. Please, won't you help me."

"Of course," said Westley, who now regarding Inigo as a good friend (he had been quite starved for friends in his years as Roberts, and was very pleased to have some). 

"I realized I am in love with Fezzik, and now I need to figure out if Fezzik feels the same, confess my love to him, and then ask him to stay by my side for the rest of our lives. Also, I need to decide what the two of us are going to do for the rest of our lives."

"Let's consider this one part at a time," Westley suggested, "Perhaps you remember my suggestion that you would make an excellent Dread Pirate Roberts? I still think you would."

Inigo scoffed. "I am not nearly fearsome enough. They say the Dread Pirate Roberts takes no prisoners, that he keeps no company, and that is the finest captain that has ever sailed. I know nothing about being a captain and I would want Fezzik by my side and neither of us are bloodthirsty."

"They say a lot of things about the Dread Pirate Roberts; part of what makes him so terrifying is the rumors. That's why part of the job is starting the right ones," Westley said, as he stood up.

"They say that the Dread Pirate Roberts is the greatest swordsman who has ever lived," Westley said, and while he did, he reached down and picked up his black mask and held it to Inigo's face.

"And they say that the Dread Pirate Roberts has only one friend, a most fearsome and bloodthirsty giant, and that this giant never leaves his side. And that Roberts is the only one the giant trusts, and if you anger one of them you anger both of them," he continued. 

Inigo began to catch on to what Westley was saying.

"Well I heard that they say," Inigo joined in, "That the Dread Pirate Roberts will steal from any ship, but is especially merciless when it comes to ships in the Prince's navy. Because once, many years ago, the Prince wronged one of Roberts most dear friend, and Roberts has never forgiven that. Because, and this is just a rumor, that Roberts is a man who loves revenge."

Now, I know you see where this is going, and that you are excited to get to the adventure, but this next bit is heavy on naval terminology and concepts as Westley teaches Inigo about captaining a pirate ship, and most people just skim this part anyway, so I will try to keep it short.

Just as the previous Roberts had done for Westley, they eventually sailed to a port, and while there Westley thanked all his crew for their work, paid them off handsomely, dismissed them, and put out the word that the Dread Pirate Roberts was looking for a new crew, which he shortly had. Westley gave Inigo the mask, and stayed on as first mate to guide him into his new identity. Buttercup and Inigo stayed on under the vague suggestion that the two of them were some sort of valuable cargo, which was technically true, since they learned that there was a reward out for the four of them from Prince Humperdinck.

With Inigo living as Roberts he sailed, they took small ships as prizes, more practice than anything else, and started rumors. Everything seemed to be going according to plan, besides the confessing to Fezzik part, until one night, the ship was overtaken by Prince Humperdinck's navy. Fezzik was a strong fighter, but even he was no match for a whole fleet of royal navy ships, each with many trained men boarding the pirate ship, as well as canons. There is a whole chapter dedicated to the capture of the pirate ship by the Prince's navy, with even more naval concepts than before. What you need to know is that Westley and Buttercup escaped on a small life boat at the last moment. 

"I promise we will come back for you, my friend," Westley said to Inigo, right before they left

Inigo despaired because while he trusted Westley, he did not see how Westley would be in any position to rescue him with nothing to his name but a lifeboat, but he did not say this. He went above deck and offered himself to the captain, saying he was the Dread Pirate Roberts, he was worth unimaginable riches in capture, to take him and let his men go free. And so Fezzik was left on his own on the ship with the crew, and Inigo's heart broke for both of them.

He was a prisoner on the ship for two weeks. One morning, he heard a commotion above deck. There were rarely any commotions on this ship, so he took this as a good sign.

He heard the sounds of swords clashing and he longed so badly to not be trapped a prisoner, to know who was winning, so fight them with his own sword, which had been taken from him when he was captured and was being held by the ship's captain. And then it was silent. He heard footsteps. Big, heavy footsteps.

"Inigo!," Fezzik shouted, as soon as he spotted him. 

"Fezzik, my dear friend! What happened?"

"The pirate crew and I got on the ship and beat them. We won Inigo!"

"But how, this ship is surrounded by five more? How did you defeat all of them?"

"It was Westley. He went to Guilder, to right near the border. He said he saw Florin's ships very close to Guilder's waters. So Guilder sent out ships to watch their border. And then Florin saw all of Guilder's ships, so they sent ships to be on their side of the border, to show Guilder how they also had many ships. They both kept sending more of their navies to the border to prove how many ships they have. It got so important, they had to take the ships guarding the ship with you on it away to go join them. I am not clever like Westley, so I don't understand things like politics and war, but I'm glad it worked. And now we are going to rescue you Inigo!"

Once back on the pirate ship, Inigo decided that now was the best time to confess his love. (Close calls will do that.)

"Fezzik," he said, "You are my dearest friend. While a prisoner, I feared for my life, but even more, I despaired because I might never see you again. So now I have to tell you: I love you Fezzik. I love you like Buttercup and Westley love each other. I have not rehearsed a good line like the last time I had to do something this important, so I will just ask, will you kiss me?"

Fezzik had started crying at the beginning of Inigo's speech (well, he started crying after Inigo's capture, and had been more or less been crying for the past two weeks, with occasional breaks for sleeping and eating) and could only nod. 

And even though Fezzik was crying and Inigo was dirty from being a prisoner and both men were exhausted, they managed to have the second best kiss in all of history. The factors contributing to this kiss's ranking were the strength and purity of Inigo and Fezzik's love for each other, the heightened emotion of just having had an adventure, the relief of being reunited, and the fact that Inigo had to stand on his tiptoes to reach, while Fezzik had to bend forward. 

The End

What happened after the kiss? Well, Inigo sailed as the Dread Pirate Roberts for many years, mainly attacking ships in Prince Humperdinck's navy, for whom he harbored a particular viciousness (he had not given up on revenge completely), and Fezzik stayed with him, as his assistant or bodyguard or lover or friend depending on who you asked, and the two of them had many grand adventures. It was a good thing that they stayed on the ocean for those years, because in that time Florin and Guilder were thrown into wars and revolutions (the latter of which Westley was involved in, but that's another story). When Inigo finally retired, passing the name of Dread Pirate Roberts to another pirate, this one name Marie (and hers is yet another story), things had settled down a bit. He and Fezzik had enough pirate treasure that they never needed to work a day in their lives again, so they didn't. They didn't have any more adventures either. They were still passionately in love and were happy to live out their days quietly together. All those years living on the pirate ship, Fezzik had begun writing his rhymes down to pass the time. And then those rhymes turned into a poems. Eventually he wrote quite good poems, and started to branch out into writing other things. He wrote tales of adventures, of princesses, of handsome swordsmen, of fearsome pirates with secretly tender hearts, and most of all, of love.


End file.
